Hello Sleep

I spent the majority of Saturday in bed. And, by in bed, I mean I was actually asleep.

I went to bed around 3am on Saturday morning after a great night out at a live music bar. I fell asleep almost instantly, and slept until about 7, when I had to make a quick run into my store to fix up some customer's information because the computer systems were down all Friday night. I came home and before 8 I was back in bed. I woke up a second time at 12ish, showered and did some quick shopping. By 2 I was in bed again, sleeping. I finally woke up when my phone was ringing (sorry Ang, I was kind a sleepy) and had to start getting ready for my christmas party.

I went to the supper party, but actually declined invites to a bunch of other parties to go home... and you guessed it, I went back to bed. I woke up at 10 am this morning, and if I didn't have to work, I'd probably be back in bed sleeping until the Grey Cup starts tonight.

Interestingly, it's not a depression kind of wanting to hide from the world thing. It's been so long since I've been able to do this, that I am really enjoying it. So, for the next little while, I'm going to just indulge my body's desire to do this.

I don't feel much different right now, still lacking some of the energy that I should normally have gained by catching up on my sleep. I think this is still new to my body, so it will probably take a little while to get used to it.

There really has only been a few times I've spent this much time in bed... and I certainly wasn't alone those times. This isn't nearly as enjoyable, but it's still pretty damn satisfying.

Friends and Relationships

Funny how pointing out that a person's behaviour was embarrassing and rather childish can result in losing a friendship.

I even did it maturely.

Whatever. We'll see what happens in the next few days.

Dreams

I'm plagued by nightmares most of the time that I'm actually asleep. Most revolve around my death, someone else's death, or someone/something chasing me. Not very happy stuff. Last night was different.

I had a dream about an ex-girlfriend. I basically call her the ex, because we dated for 3 years which is the longest relationship I've ever had, and we had talked about marriage quite a bit. That one ended rather abruptly one night when I called her to see if she wanted to come out for wings with me and some friends. 3 hours later, I was single, and it all happened over the phone.

I did not have any contact with her again until Dec 18th of last year. I ran into her last year at a gas station, and had a brief conversation with her before taking off pretty quickly. It caused me some issues, and I couldn't get her out of my head for a couple of days. But, things were fine for me.

So, out of the blue, she's in my dream. Strangely enough, I can't really remember all of the dream, but I remember 1 part very clearly. I know that I was seeing/dating a different girl. I have an idea who this person is, but it's really not important. What I do remember is running into my ex and having a converstation with her. It was a nice conversation, and as I was leaving she stopped me and asked if she could give me a call, because she missed me. I looked at her and remember telling her that I couldn't do that because of the way things ended originally, and that I was better off without her. I can remember walking away smiling... not a smile of "I hope I hurt her", but one of satisfaction like I faced temptation and walked away triumphant. When I woke up after this, I actually felt really good.

I have a few ideas on the meaning behind this dream, but won't post them just yet. I'm still thinking about it.

Nothing important

Not sure why, but I just feel like blogging.

New Music:

Boy Hits Car: Man... they just released what I believe is there second album. I fell in love with this somewhat odd heavy band probably 6 years ago. Their hardrock music is tinged with middle east instruments and sounds, which actually creates something relatively originally. The lead singer also has a somewhat distinctive clean vocal/whine that surprisingly does not get annoying. I'm loving this new stuff, not as heavy, but still retains the same core sound that I loved on their original album.

Portal: Edmonton local band. I've probably mentioned them before, but don't feel like going back to check. One band that truely needs to be signed. They do some truely fascinating progressive rock that borrows slightly from the TOOL style of music. With some label backing, it would be impressive to see what these guys could do.

Dead Soul Tribe: Also just released a new album. Also progressive rock oriented. Also fantastic. Who would have thought?

Grimfist: Also... new album. HEAVY. FAST. Screaming vocals. Kind of a mix of old skool metal mentality, new thrash, some black metal and good old death metal thrown in there for good measure. Could you really ask for anything more. Their first album got a lot of playtime and I'm sure this one will as well.

System Of A Down: Hypnotize. The second disc paired with the Mezmerize album. What an album. Typically SOAD strangeness in there. Strong political statements. And some excellent song structuring definately makes this one a favorite. But really, I haven't hated anything they've done yet, so I knew I wouldn't be disappointed.

I'll update with more music later on.

The Medical Profession

The last 8 months of my life has basically revolved around my somewhat sketchy health and the numerous doctor appointments I've pursued in order to try and find some sort of answer to my issues. The current round of medical professionals in my life are a Clinical Psychologist and a Psychiatrist.

Interestingly enough, every doctor that I've seen will agree that I do have some sort of problem. I mean, I agree with that assessment as well. However, while they revolve around similar things, no 2 doctors have actually yet agreed on what those problems are. I do understand that my issues are not as easily diagnosed as someone who walks in to see the doctor with a broken leg (technically, that person might not be walking but you get my point).

The progression goes something along these lines.

Family Physician diagnosis - Depression and slight possibility of bi-polar symptoms, but nothing that would be seen as problematic. The depression was the priority for treatment, and so anti-depressants were prescribed. In her opinion, there is no way to fix my sleep problem until the depression was under control.

First Therapist (Master's in Social Work) - Agreed with my family physician on the depression, but was quite interested in pointing to my lifestyle as part of the problem.

EMDR Therapist (Psychologist) - Surprisingly, wasn't concerned about what the current problem was, but where things started and directed the sessions accordingly. He actually firmly believed that things started a long time ago, and that my current problems were based on how my body has responded to highly stressful situations for a number of years. Did not believe that meds were the correct path. Interestingly enough I have shown the most significant positive change from this technique.

Clinical Psychologist - Diagnosed me with untreated (or not properly treated) post traumatic stress, and would like to avoid both the depression and bi-polar diagnoses. Claims that all 3 show similar symptoms and can often be mis-diagnosed. She is also not concerned as much about my current situation, but more the past stimuli that originally started this train-wreck of a sleeping pattern that I currently have. Recommends behavioral conditioning, and believes that I should be a very good candidate because of my positive results with the EMDR therapy.

psychiatrist - Diagnosed me as Bi-polar and thinks the depression is just part of my cycling. She claims that I'm currently in a hyper-manic state that is actually very pleasurable for me, and this is why I'm quite productive right now. She believes that I will back slide into a depression if this is not properly treated with Lithium or some similar drug. Post traumatic stress is not a valid diagnosis because, according to her, the original stimulus was too long ago. She actually believes that I've been in a hyper-manic state for the 3-4 years prior to my depression earlier this year, but struggles with this because it is generally a state that does not last as long as that. She does not believe that my current state is indicative of how I normally would be if I were leveled out with the use of Lithium. She believes that my sleep will be restored once I'm on Lithium. She also criticized the EMDR therapy explaining that the good feelings that I experienced afterwards were actually my cycling from depression into mania, which is common in that kind of treatment.

Alright. So, we have a whole pile of opinions here, offered up by some fairly well educated people. The first question is, are any of these actually correctly diagnosed?

What would have happened if I was in a central room and each of these doctors were in separate rooms looking in on me answering a bunch of general questions in a lab type setting so that each doctor saw and heard the exact same thing, on the exact same day? Do you think they would still disagree?

I've made phenomenal progress in the last few months, at least in my opinion, so technically what any of these doctors see today, is not indicative of why I was referred to them 8 months ago. Does that make a difference?

Does the smile I have today indicate that I'm covering something up in my subconscious that I don't even know exists, or is it a true honest smile?

If I don't show much sadness while discussing my uncle's death today, does that mean that I'm covering it up under a defensive technique, or could it mean that some other therapy has strengthened me when it comes to that particular topic?

Will I react the same way tomorrow if I were to discuss the same topic because I'm in a particularly good mood today or is this a sign that I might have made some genuine progress and that something has been changed?

If any of these doctors were to interview my family, they would probably return with the conclusion that I've always been moody and difficult, but is that really who I am? Could it be that being the black sheep in the family has always left me on the outside with no real way of properly fitting in and that's why my family sees me one way, and my close friends see me in some completely different way?

If you ask my mom right now, she'll tell you that I'm such a joy to have around, and that she's so thrilled about the progress that I've made. Ask my dad, and he'll probably tell you that he has noticed no change and that I'm just as moody as ever, but that would be based on the relationship that we have, because we just don't talk. So, how would all of these doctors know which was actually me?

In the end, all I know is that I'm currently in the best place I've been in a long time. We're actually talking years here. Maybe this is a cycle, or maybe it's not. Depending on who you interviewed and the day they were interviewed may give a completely different idea on who I am. So, how does anyone here actually know what the normal me is supposed to be?

Most likely, I no longer know who that person is. But, it's nice to be where I am now.

Discuss.

Life is good

I just might be flying to BC in December. If I can score a holiday on Monday, Dec 5th, then I think I might do it. It will actually only cost me about $115 for the round trip flight, so I should probably take the opportunity.

I called the Regional Manager for my store and had a chat this morning about my "manager's" actions at my location. Funny how I feel somewhat like a rat for doing it, but it had to be done. My RM was surprised to say the least, and quite disappointed that this stuff was happening. I'm not sure what will happen, but I'm not too concerned. Did I mention that I'm the top salesperson for the month of November in Saskatoon, and second in the entire company. I ROCK.

Now I just have to call Suze to have a little chat about her childish behaviour after the concert. I kind of expect she knows something is up, because I haven't returned any of her calls since we returned. She certainly won't be expecting the shit she's gonna get from me.

life is grand... I'm in such a fantastic mood. I also have to take Shy Ang her Nine Inch Nails shirt tonight. It's tough finding a shirt in size Shy Ang as that is a very tiny size, but I think I succeeded and I hope she enjoys it. B-tard gave the thumbs up on the shirt and size, so I think that's a good thing.

Taking advantage

There have been a couple of things that have happened this week to make me really question people's intentions again. I make a very strong effort to help people and occassionally certain people take advantage of that situation and abuse that generosity.

Yesterday, I was woken up at 6am by my cell phone, seeing that it was the manager at my store who was calling. I had slept really well up to that point, but being woken up I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep again, so I reluctantly answered. Tracy asked if I would open the store up at 9, instead of coming in at noon, and said she would be in around 10:30. I agreed, because she said she had a really bad cold which I can relate to.

So, I opened the store, and it got quite busy. I finally had a small break (like 5 minutes) from people, and noticed that it was already after 12 and she hadn't shown up yet. More customers, and I kind of forget about that briefly, until she finally walked in with a friend around 1:15. Then immediately went to lunch for almost an hour, then came back and hung decorations, only helping customers when I was completely tied up. As I understood it, I would open at 9 and leave at 5, which is a typical shift, and the one that came in later would close the store. She ended up leaving before 5 and I was left to close the store too. I also did not get a lunch break, coffee break or even a chance to hit the bathroom because there was a continue stream of customers. Yep, I was used. Last time I do a favor for her.

The other incident really surprised me. It happened during the Nine Inch Nails concert. The part that pissed me off the most was the actions of one of my friends after the concert. Every one of us spent the afternoon at the zoo, although not all together. So, we all got a fair bit of walking in (around 3 hours that afternoon) and then were standing on the floor all night during the show. My car was parked 5-6 blocks from the Saddledome, close to 17th Ave which is known for it's lounges and bars. I suggested that we walk back and have a beer, and also that it would be much easier for the others to catch a cab from there, than with 10000 other people outside of the stadium. Suze whined and bitched the whole time about how tired she was. It wasn't just little bitching, but the "I'm not happy and I want everyone else to know" kind of behaviour that a 7 year old displays. Most of the comments were directed at me because I was leading the way, and knew the way around Calgary. This is the kind of thanks I get for floor tickets to such a show. Fucking ungrateful people... last favor I do for her.

My venting is done now, and I'll resume posting pics and stories about the trip.

Nine Inch Nails with QOTSA and DFA 1979

This series of pictures were taken with a Samsung a680 Camera phone. I borrowed it from work to demo it just to see how it actually did with the photos. I must admit I am pretty impressed with the quality, for a camera phone. Now that I've hacked the camera and it costs me nothing to download the pictures, I think I may be purchasing this particular model in the future.

Now on to the concert.

That's right... Floor tickets to the Nine Inch Nails concert in Calgary. If you've read my blog, then you know I was pretty excited about this concert.

Death From Above 1979

Stoner rock out of Toronto played by a two piece that certainly had a much bigger sound than the sum of the members should have been able to produce. Overall, for an opening act, they were definately a good band. They played a pretty energetic set, but it was clear that they were there as a seating soundtrack while everyone prepared for what was coming next.

It was early in the night, and I was still figuring out the best timing on my pictures, but that's DFA 1979

Queens Of The Stone Age

Leaders among the stoner rock scene, they put on a fantastic set. I enjoy their music, but it's not something that I would regularly pop into my playlist. However, their set was big and their musicianship was nothing short of fantastic. They definately held the crowd for the entire length of their set and proved that the music really translates well into a live setting. Overall, I definately enjoyed their set which is pretty impressive for who they were opening up for.

You can get a pretty good idea of the lighting and stage show for the QOTSA set.

NINE INCH NAILS

AMAZING. Not a whole lot more can be said about the show. The playlist was fantastic spanning their whole discography. Highlights include Dead Souls from The Crow soundtrack, The Wretched from The Fragile and of course Hurt. There was a huge lighting effects show, which included an huge screen around the stage at some points. This was used to display various videos during some of the slower songs. The music was absolutely fantastic, and the industrial sound played extremely well in the live environment. I think it just goes to show the extent that Trent Reznor plans things and how important every aspect of his music is. I can't really comment much more about the show... it sits just behind TOOL as my favorite show. Definately a must see for anyone who is even a part-time fan.

The pics were hard to get because of the huge light show, but I think these are some of the better ones, and you can see the video on the big screens in a few of the shots.

This was definately worth the trip.

Edit: I don't know why some pictures don't enlarge... maybe I'll figure it out, maybe not.

Sick

My computer and I are both sick :(. I have a cough due to cold, and she has a trojan that is proving to be awfully stubborn.

I will note that this is the first time ever that she has been caught with a virus. I'm not sure how this one got through my defences, because I am extremely paranoid about my computer's security. My first few attempts proved unsuccessful as the popups continued to show up when I surfed the net. I'm now using Spy Sweeper which seems to be a whole lot more thorough than both Adaware and Spybot. This is kind of surprising. If you would like to download the trial version, just go to www.spysweeper.com. Try running that, I'm pretty sure you'll be surprised at how much it catches over the other programs.

Survey says...

My EMDR therapist doesn't want to see me for a while. We had a fantastic session today that revolved around this current wonderful mood that has swept over me. He's quite excited about the current state of affairs, and gave me some homework assigments to do, which should take me close to 6 months to complete. He said to call him any time, and he'll return my call, but he feels very confident with how things are going. So, we high fived, shook hands, had a great laugh about some things and that's that for now.

I've decide that the watermelon scented shampoo just has to go. It's messing up my hair... so in my case that means my hair is actually manageable and I can't make it the normal mess that it usually is. Damn shampoo has caused me 3 days of grief. I will avoid all pink coloured shampoo bottles from this point forward.

Now, how can a cold of 2 months get a resurgance in strength and keep me up all night? Honestly. It's like this thing just decided to kick my ass a second time. I didn't do anything to it (obviously, as I didn't even ask it to leave my body), so why is it bothering me so much. We had a pretty good arrangement where I would cough a couple times a day, and the virus had a host body in which to reside. We didn't change the terms of our agreement, so the virus is clearly in breach of our original contract. Tonight, Buckley's will join the fight for good against this awful cold virus. Take that COLD. Now, if only I didn't hate Buckley's so much... but the old saying goes "the enemy of my enemy is my friend".

That's it for now. I'll probably update more random, rediculous ramblings (that's my new title) later tonight when I'm too tired. It should be interesting.

Why aren't women like amplifiers?

The model shoot was pretty entertaining. At one point in time I had a $5600 car audio amplifier sitting in my lap... I won't lie that it kind of turned me on. It's the kind warm and cozy feeling that you can only get from a 3 foot long amplifier.

Anyways, so I met and had a pretty good introduction with the owner of the place. We chatted about the electronics for a while and how business was going in his new location. He mentioned for me to pop in again if I needed anything, so I'm going to make an effort to stop in there sometime this weekend in order to build a better networking relationship with him. We'll see if I can make anything happen with this.

I must thank B-tard for these opportunities. Her boss mentioned she really wants to get me into another fashion shoot for winter clothing. Since I do these out of the goodness of my heart, I should really push to do a co-ed shoot so that at least I can have some fun with some girls while doing these. Write that down, B-tard.

Tomorrow will be an insanely long day. My first doctor appointment is at 9:30am, which will probably go until around 11ish, then I meet with a new doctor at 1pm for 2 hours. This one is a psychologist of some sort, so we'll see what they have to offer tomorrow. As soon as my second appointment is over, I have to high-tail it over to work because I start at 3 and work until 9. If tomorrow doesn't happen to put me to sleep then... I guess I don't need to finish that one at all.

Here's hoping that the new doctor has some pull to get me into have some scans done of my brain. Headaches should not last for months.

Good mood still hangin around. And I smell watermelons.

Miscellaneous Nonsense

The good mood continues.

1) I am doing another modeling shoot tonight for the same small paper here in the city. Last time it was for an article on men's summer fashions. This time the article is audio/video/electronic gifts for the male geek (or something like that). THAT'S ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to meet the owner of the paper at an Audio/Video store tonight and we'll just be taking pictures of me surrounded by all sorts of expensive toys. Interestingly enough, I have an ulterior motive for doing this particular shoot. I'll be meeting the owner of the store tonight, and am actually going to inquire about some part-time work... after all, I know more than most salespeople when it comes to audio. Interestingly, I know nothing about video... cuz I have absolutely no interest in TV or movies.

2) 1 week remains for the concert event of the year. Nine Inch Nails in Calgary, with supporting acts Death From Above 1979, and Queens Of The Stone Age (yeah... on the floor at the Saddledome). This trip will be worth the negative effects it will have on my health. I'm still suffering from the cold/cough that I caught after the System Of A Down trip to Edmonton (2 fucking months ago). We'll be pulling some pretty long days while in Calgary, so I expect to be completely sick again once I get back. It will be worth it.

3) My hair smells like watermelon. I tried a new shampoo, but nowhere on the package does it say watermelon scented. I'm actually not sure how I feel about this. Look for an update once I get used to smelling like watermelon.

4) I'm a Starbucks fan. I hide my head in shame. If I'm out of the house and not at work, chances are I'm at the closest one. I must note that the Maple Machiatto has taken the title of best Starbucks coffee from the previous reigning champ, Caramel Machiatto. The former champ put in a great run of more than a year, but the Maple is just superior in almost every way. Sorry Caramel, but today you're a loser... maybe you'll make another attempt at the title in a short while, and we'll always have Vancouver.

5) Girls... how can one female manage to always put me in a fantastic mood with conversations about absolutely nothing. I also find it really strange to know that I'm a fantasy for another person. I was weirded out the first time she told me that she dreams about me, quite vividly too. I guess we've got a pretty open relationship for her to tell me that kind of stuff. Too bad I can't actually see her in person.

6) I recently started listening to a band called Municipal Waste. They are a new, very young band that plays fantastic old skool thrashcore music in the style of Suicidal Tendencies and S.O.D. Well, strangely this has rekindled my love affair with this music, and I'm kind of concerned to announce that Anthrax's persistence of Time album has enjoyed an extended stay in my car's CD player for close to 3 weeks. I think we should all be concerned by this. But it's sooooo good.

7) I cried cuz I was laughing so hard today. Now my head hurts.

I missed me

This blog has often been a place for me to vent about the various health difficulties that I've been dealing with over the previous year. I actually started doing this based on some encouragement from some of my friends who blog there lives. There has often been periods where I just could not write anything because the mood just wasn't there. This mood often tends to pull me away from people as well. It's not because I want to isolate myself, but it is much more on an introspective period for me and no one else can offer any sort of help during those times. That's definately "me" time, and lately there has been a whole lot of that.

Recently I've really started noticing something. I'm happy. It is a strange thing to openly declare because most people that do not know me very well would be extremely surprised by the inner struggles that are happening. However, it is something that I can undoubtedly state without any hesitations right now. I've made a huge journey over the last year to arrive at the point that I am at right now.

1 year ago things started to fall apart at the company I was working for. A lot of things started stressing me out with the company, most of which was beyond my control. As the job got worse, and my ability to make a dent in any of the stress lessened, I found myself falling into a depression that I was basically helpless against. This continued to worsen until February and finally March brought about the lowest point I had ever seen. I would basically show up for work, sit there with programs open on my computer, avoid phonecalls and leave work the second my 8 hours was over. When I got home I would crawl into bed with movies playing and just lay there. My apartment was a disgusting mess that I just stepped over on my way to bed, and I often went with lunch being my only meal of the day... usually consisting of a sandwich. I neglected almost every aspect of my health, which only made matters worse with my depression. I knew I was in it, but I could not pull myself out of this darkness. I was just pulled further and further down.

At the end of March I started my cry for help. Being a very strong, independant individual makes me extremely stubborn to openly tell people that I can't do things. I usually power through everything in my life, but this was something that I just wasn't strong enough to do myself. In March it was 2 people that I turned to initially. One was a friend who has been around for abour 4 years, and the other was a new friend who I had only known for about 6 months at this time. I know both of them very well, and know that they both have their own struggles that often times reflected my own. This is probably why I was able to ask them before anyone else.

Everything changed on April 14th. I had almost no passion for life what-so-ever, unless there was a concert and mosh pit rolling through Saskatchewan. On this day it was AlexisOnFire and Rise Against playing in Regina. My ticket was a birthday present from Brandi, but we had to drive almost 3 hours to the show on a Tuesday night, and then made the plans to drive back home afterwards. Since we were living in different places, we met and left her car in a small town and we took my car to Regina. Something happened that night that remains unexplainable. The show was excellent, and we started our way back around 11:30 pm. We were just talking like we always do, but the conversation took a turn towards depressions, the things we were struggling with and finally, solutions to these things. By the time I got home, I had an incredible strengthening. I didn't go to bed, but instead composed an email to my parents explaining everything, and asking for support for what I was about to do. I went to work that day, and then had a conference call with the folks... it went extremely well.

Only days later, I was placed on medical leave from work which would end up lasting close to 6 months before I terminated the benefits. I had no intention of ever going back to the job, but the medical benefits were too good to pass up. I moved into my parent's place solely because I could not take care of myself properly. I just didn't care enough to make an effort. I started seeing my family physician almost weekly, along with a Psychologist. My physician started sending out referrals, but anyone who had dealt with the medical system knows that it takes a long time to see the specialists. At this point in time, some 7 or 8 months later, I am finally getting appointments with most of those doctors. In the next month I am booked in with 3 new specialists, with there area of expertise ranging from sleep therapy to Phsychiatry and hopefully in the new year I'll have one with a neurologist. We're going to find something out.

After 8 months, my health has changed, but not always for the best. I have a headache that is always present. Only when it gets quite bad do I bother taking anything for it. I basically do my best to ignore it most of the time, but it does disable me occasionally. I missed 5 days of work last month because I could not leave my house, and 2 days last week for the same reason. The new job is very understanding, which is amazing. I suffer from extreme exhaustion. I basically spend most of my energy on work, and a lot of my remaining time is spent recovering and trying to keep my energy level up for anything else that I have to do. I don't go out a lot anymore. I used to be a very social person, but it's too rough on my body to do that with any sort of frequency. I still suffer from a cold that's been hanging around for close to 2 months. So, I'm still struggling in a lot of ways. However, that brings me to the whole point of this post.

I have regained something that I lost a long time ago. People I've met recently probably have not seen this part of me, but old friends will know what I'm talking about. I have a bounce in my step that I haven't had in a while. I've got my real smile back, not the fake one used to mislead people. My laughter is that of pure entertainment, instead of a cover-up. I have my motivation and my energy, and I am started to regain a lot of my dreams and desires again. My enthusiasm for life is something that I haven't experienced in many months. I am actually, honestly, a drug-free happy right now. And it's addicting.

I'm not happy with where my health is. I'm not happy about my financial situation. I'm not happy about a lot of external things. But, I am happy inside. Nothing fake about it. Nothing built up as a defence to protect myself and others. I'm just excited about things again.

I have this stupid grin right now. It's been plastered on my face for more than a week now. The only time it disappears is when my real smile and laugh eclipses it. It's a great thing.

I really did miss me. And I look forward to getting to know me again. I'm sure I'll be adding more shortly.

Mark this day on your calendar

Why?

Because I slept in.

Yep, I have insomnia and I slept through 2 alarm clocks beeping and ringing for almost an hour and a half. I can not remember the last time I actually needed an alarm clock because I'm just never asleep for long enough to require one. I also have a very accurate internal alarm that I have never had a problem with on the days that I was actually asleep.

So, I woke up at 8:50 this morning. I wasn't asleep all night or anything, but had gone back to bed around 5am hoping to score about an hour or 2 of sleep before getting up for work. Of course, today was one of the very few days that I actually had to work at 9am... and I woke up 10 minutes before I was supposed to be at work. Thankfully the store doesn't actually open until 9:30, but I obviously have some prep work to do before I actually open up. And, of course I was the only one opening the store.

So, I wake up (finally) to a bunch of buzzing and ringing and hit the alarm clock on my desk to turn it off. I grab my cell phone and flip it open and hit a button and notice that the phone says it's 8:47. I squint at it briefly... pause for about 5 seconds while staring at the phone and look over at my analog alarm clock on my desk. The desk clock verifies that it is indeed almost 8:48. As if 2 clocks were not enough, I sit up (quite rapidly) and look at the clock on my wall... which happens to also confirm the fact that I have indeed slept in. I PANIC.

I jump out of bed, grab some pants and boxers and bolt to my bathroom. I can't go to work directly out of bed... because I just don't function at all without my shower to wake me up. I was also on my third day without a shave, and needed to quickly take care of that. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I shouldn't have worried about the quick shave because the Gillette Mach 3 razor one a pretty good battle with my face this morning. It almost appears that a tiny cat had it's way with my left cheek, because you can distinctly see where all 3 blades sliced 3 very clean inch long cuts into my skin. SHIT. I finish my abbreviated shower and step with blood completely running down my face and my neck. Honestly... why today?

While I was quickly drying I decided I had no other choice than to bandage that wound up and hope that it actually stopped gushing blood before I opened the store. With very messy hair, tooth brush hanging out of my mouth, bottle of water in hand and some clothes half assed pulled on to my body... I run out to my car.

Oh yeah... it rained last night... and then froze. It is now 3 minutes after 9. I unlock my car and toss my shit inside, and with toothbrush still in my mouth I rummaged in my trunk to find my ice scraper. I had already started the car, but it took me a minute or so to remember that the ice scraper was actually inside my car already because I had used it once this fall. I grab it, quickly clean off the bare minimum of ice so that I can sort of see, and I hop in the car. Finally something went right for me, because my seat warmer had actually already started to warm my seat. I drive off at a rather hurried pace.

I get to the underground parking after brushing my teeth for the entire 4 minute drive there. I step out of the car, walk over to a garbage can, gargle some water, spit and repeat. Toss the toothbrush (really, what else was I gonna do with it?) and walk into the mall. Go to the bathroom, wash my face quickly, examine my wound and find that it's stopped bleeding. I carefully pulled the the bandage off, softly washed any dried blood from my wound and walked to the store. Look at that... it's not quite 9:15.

I got all of my prep work done and opened the store on time. I won't lie... I looked like shit today. The parts of my face that the Mach 3 didn't try to remove completely were patchy at best. In fact, the only place I think the razor even cleaned any hair off my face was where it actually cut me. I've made a mental note just to take an electric razor next time and do a quick, dry shave in the store when there are no customers around.

I think it's time to go read and relax. I actually feel that I deserve it today. I wonder what my wound will look like tomorrow?