Why so negative?????
Why do other people spend so much time criticizing the things that I'm doing to try and better myself. In the past few weeks I have gone up and down significantly. Despite lingering problems, last week was extremely high and productive for me. Suddenly, for some unknown reason, I completely fell off that and have plummeted down to a pretty low point. I'm still unable to figure out why that happened, but it's been plaguing me all week long.
So, the insurance company still has not dropped my claim, but haven't paid me in almost a month. This means that my finances are pretty much depleted. I'm sick of dealing with them, but would obviously still like them to pay me, since it is more than I would make on EI. Now, one of the reasons behind the delay in their decision would be that my therapist has been EXTREMELY slow in getting them the information that they have requested. By slow, I actually mean that the 3 week delay is all because of her. She finally sent some stuff in yesterday, but this was after I had left numerous messages and actually had to get the insurance company to send a fax requesting that stuff again. She is very well aware of the fact that this was extremely important, so I can't figure out why she has taken so long. Since she's only in the office 1 morning a week, it's also very difficult to get in touch with her. With all of that, I have actually decided to pursue a new therapist, because this was just unprofessional conduct. So, I meet with the new one on Wednesday. I am actually very excited about this one, as we will be trying some very interesting therapy techniques that very few other doctors in the country are trained in. I won't get into what we are going to be doing, because I want to wait until after the first couple of sessions to get an idea of how this is working. I will say that this form of treatment has had phenomenal results for my aunt, which is how I came to hear of it.
So, back to the stupid financial stress. Since it seems to be a huge stressor I am going to do something about it whether people like it or not. I am actually applying for jobs right now, and this seems to be quite the controversial decision. I do have the support of my family doctor, and actually had the support of my therapist on this one as well. I also have found a few friends to be quite supportive of this decision as well, as we all agree that a position that offers less stress than what I normally subject myself to at work could probably be very beneficial. Then we have my family who are all against this course of action. Of course, I am also criticized for doing very little (that they see) to work on my situation. So, no matter what I do, I tend to be criticized by some group of people.
So, today I say FUCK OFF to everyone who isn't supportive of whatever decisions I choose to follow through with. Regardless of how confused or messed up I might be, I know that the insurance company is a huge stressor that I need to get rid of. I also know that my current employer is just a pain that needs to be eliminated as well. I hate having to talk to them about all this garbage. Also, I think that I will benefit from jobs that force me to interact with the public because I seem to be suffering from a bad case of low self esteem or shyness or something ridiculous like that. So, if I force myself into those situations where I can't walk away from them, then I think I will be able to beat some of this stuff easier. Of course there is the criticism that I may not be the best employee, but how do we know until I try some jobs out, and maybe the right job just might be helpful here as well.
Personally, I think the medical profession just doesn't work quick enough. It really is difficult when the next doctor in the line has a waiting list 5 months long. I know it's impatient of me, but I really hate to sit and wait, especially when I'm in the situation that exists right now. I know this is the way things go, but the waiting is causing some negative side effects.
I just want to be relatively healthy again.
So, the insurance company still has not dropped my claim, but haven't paid me in almost a month. This means that my finances are pretty much depleted. I'm sick of dealing with them, but would obviously still like them to pay me, since it is more than I would make on EI. Now, one of the reasons behind the delay in their decision would be that my therapist has been EXTREMELY slow in getting them the information that they have requested. By slow, I actually mean that the 3 week delay is all because of her. She finally sent some stuff in yesterday, but this was after I had left numerous messages and actually had to get the insurance company to send a fax requesting that stuff again. She is very well aware of the fact that this was extremely important, so I can't figure out why she has taken so long. Since she's only in the office 1 morning a week, it's also very difficult to get in touch with her. With all of that, I have actually decided to pursue a new therapist, because this was just unprofessional conduct. So, I meet with the new one on Wednesday. I am actually very excited about this one, as we will be trying some very interesting therapy techniques that very few other doctors in the country are trained in. I won't get into what we are going to be doing, because I want to wait until after the first couple of sessions to get an idea of how this is working. I will say that this form of treatment has had phenomenal results for my aunt, which is how I came to hear of it.
So, back to the stupid financial stress. Since it seems to be a huge stressor I am going to do something about it whether people like it or not. I am actually applying for jobs right now, and this seems to be quite the controversial decision. I do have the support of my family doctor, and actually had the support of my therapist on this one as well. I also have found a few friends to be quite supportive of this decision as well, as we all agree that a position that offers less stress than what I normally subject myself to at work could probably be very beneficial. Then we have my family who are all against this course of action. Of course, I am also criticized for doing very little (that they see) to work on my situation. So, no matter what I do, I tend to be criticized by some group of people.
So, today I say FUCK OFF to everyone who isn't supportive of whatever decisions I choose to follow through with. Regardless of how confused or messed up I might be, I know that the insurance company is a huge stressor that I need to get rid of. I also know that my current employer is just a pain that needs to be eliminated as well. I hate having to talk to them about all this garbage. Also, I think that I will benefit from jobs that force me to interact with the public because I seem to be suffering from a bad case of low self esteem or shyness or something ridiculous like that. So, if I force myself into those situations where I can't walk away from them, then I think I will be able to beat some of this stuff easier. Of course there is the criticism that I may not be the best employee, but how do we know until I try some jobs out, and maybe the right job just might be helpful here as well.
Personally, I think the medical profession just doesn't work quick enough. It really is difficult when the next doctor in the line has a waiting list 5 months long. I know it's impatient of me, but I really hate to sit and wait, especially when I'm in the situation that exists right now. I know this is the way things go, but the waiting is causing some negative side effects.
I just want to be relatively healthy again.
posted by Kelly at 2:07 PM
1 Comments:
Kelly, my dear, I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for you right now, but I have to say, I really don't think that NOT doing anything will do you any good at all. It baffles me that there seem to be a large number of people that can't see how badly all of this issurance company/work/lazy therapist bullshit is affecting you.
I see absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be looking for a job - granted, in my opinion it should be one with (as my pal Lester said in American Beauty) "the least possible amount of responsibility." Jokes aside though, I sincerely believe it would do you some good to "get away" from your situation for a little while every day - and if you think it will help with whatever social anxiety you're having, I say go balls to the wall. Find yourself a position low on the totem pole and see how that goes for awhile, cause I can't see that it could possibly make things any worse than they already are, and there's a good chance it might make them a little bit better.
I have absolute faith in your ability to kick this thing in the ass, and I don't think there's anyone better qualified than you are, to decide what the right next step is. Everybody else, as far as I'm concerned, can take their opinions and shove them up their proverbial asses.
I love you. And you're going to be okay.
B.
p.s. Please don't feel like you are in any way responsible for my current state of ill-feeling...I know what you're going through, and that is where your energy should be focused. I'm Ms. Insecurity lately, for reasons that have nothing to do with you. I know you still love me, and I don't want you to think I think you're neglecting me (bad grammatical structure, but hopefully you get the point), because I know you're not. You have to be your number one priority right now, and I totally understand that, so don't worry about me at all. And that, my friend, is an order.
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